Permission to put away

October 15, 2019

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a blog post… I apologize for my absence! Turns out that juggling a blog is a lot harder when you are teaching again, but that’s cool. I’m working to handle it!

So to make up for my apparent disappearance these last couple of months, here is a true confession: I don’t like to give up on books, and I really didn’t until recently.

That sounds worse than it really is. I promise.

I used to pick up a book and always finish it. I can’t really think of a book that I didn’t truly read (except college– I definitely spark noted “Heart of Darkness”… shh… but that’s a short story… so does that count?). However, that changed this past year.

I am in a book club, two actually, and it was my turn to pick. So I chose Unsheltered by Barbara Kingsolver; but I couldn’t finish it.. Now, I know Kingsolver has some really hardcore fans, and I wouldn’t want to offend them. It just wasn’t for me, and quite possibly, it might not have been for me at that time. I am open to my future with Kingsolver.

But, truthfully, I struggled to be okay with putting the book down and walking away. I think I feel badly that I started something and won’t be finishing it, or, honestly, in this case with this particular book, I felt like I was stupid for not getting it. Why were people raving about this book, but I was having to force myself to pay attention to the pages?

Nevertheless, I realized I could leave it and not finish. When that epiphany graced my mind, I instantly felt relief. I love to read before bed, and I wasn’t looking forward to that ritual when I had to push myself through a text. Now I could find something else to read that piqued my interest.

I hear, quite a bit, that students say they don’t like reading because they can’t find something they want to read. And ya know, I get it. When you are in the midst of trudging through something you don’t enjoy, it’s really hard. I like reading, and when I was in Kingsolver’s world, I felt lost and disheartened by the amount of zoning I was doing… and thus rereading..

I think that’s why I always start a conversation with a kiddo around what they have read because it allows me to try and connect new texts with ones that interested them in the past.

Anyway, I digress; the point of this post is to share that I have walked away from a book… or two… or possibly a few more. I try to shake the shame of not finishing because it’s only me that’s putting it upon myself. No one has to know, or even if they do, what would they possibly say? People read flaps and put the book back on the shelf right away. It’s fine to realize that you don’t enjoy a book.

But the key is not to stop there. Just because I didn’t like a particular book doesn’t mean that I stop reading. That’s what I want to keep teaching my kiddos— if you don’t like what you have control over, particularly in regards to reading, change it. Make sure that what you are engaging with is worth the time– sometimes that takes effort and is okay, and other times it is clear that the text is not for you.

And that’s okay if you need to put it down and walk away. No one will judge you; I certainly won’t. I’m working on not feeling like I’m wrong if someone likes a book, and I don’t. Reading is actually quite personal, and it’s really between you and the book.

That’s a pretty corny ending, but I’m going to leave it there. Here’s to writing a post and giving it to the world to read even if it is choppy! 🙂